Archive for April, 2008

Andrew Hardingham likes to kill frogs. (NBD#7)

Posted in Bros not Pros, Shred, Snowboard on April 15, 2008 by vtdeathrider

Dear frog that sits on lily pad,
You are the laziest animal in the entire kingdom. I used to watch you in science class, all the time dreading the day I would pull you from your algae infested tank and insert my scalpel into what I think is your abdomen. There was a day when I felt sorry for you. That day was then and today I fucking hate you frog.
Your life is spent lapping up sunlight and catching bugs with your tong. You won’t even put in the effort to move when your hungry you fucking lazy frog. You get hot and you swim in your fucking pool. You get tired and you climb aboard a splendid natural lily pad or sometimes you pick the synthetic one for a change I guess. I’ve found you mostly sit on your natural lily pad because I think you’re an elitist frog and plastic is no substitute for the real thing but probably makes you appreciate it more. I can’t wait to expose your insides to the outside. Like the immortal highlander in that late 80’s film staring Sean Conary, I will chop you up and gain your knowledge and power. I will become a better person for murdering your useless, lazy corps. “Fuck you frog”.
Two weeks pass
Two more days till “fuck up the frog day”. I’ve been drawing pictures and thinking about what I will serve you as your last meal. Maybe just flies, or maybe I’ll spice it up with some squashed mosquitoes. If you don’t piss me off I might even feed you a grasshopper. That must be like a tenderloin steak to your kind, you fucking ass hole frog.
Two days later a.k.a. Dooms day
I woke up today with a sort of excitement. But not because today is the day I murder that fucking frog. I have an overwhelming sense of anxiety for some reason…. Why this abnormal feeling. I have the last meal captured in a Tupperware. I chose two flies because I hate you. My scalpel awaits my every command. I have prepared for this moment my whole life. But still I feel odd. One-hour later I’m nocuous. I puke 4 times and am sweating like a pig. The school nurse says I have a high fever and “its probably that nasty virus that’s going around Andrew”. Fuck that, I think to my self. These nurses and hypochondriacs always say that kinda shit. I’m not a pussy and I will not miss this chance to absorb another beings life force. I stumble my way back to the science room. On my way I’m reminded of a TV program on creationist vs. Evolutionists. It gives me more ammunition to continue my quest to kill knowing I could stop the evolution of one of those psycho creationist bastards ever evolving into yet another moron 200 million years from now… I must kill that frog. The classroom is empty. Must kill frog. My vision slightly blurred as my teacher walks into the room. “ohhh, seems we have an early bird hey?” Frog? I answer. “Are you OK Andrew?” he asked. “That frogs in big trouble Mr. T. I hate not knowing what’s inside of that stupid skin”. Laughter erupts as several of my friends enter the room. “Andrew’s been waiting for today for a long time Mr. T. of course he’s here early.” My friend say filling in the blanks.
A few minutes pass
Clapping his hands together eagerly Mr. T abruptly begins the class. This must be a big event for him considering all he talks about is his stamp collection. What a fucking looser.
I start my approach toward the aquarium of only to discover the frogs are no longer there. “What the fuck!” I said loud enough to here but soft enough to ignore. “Is there a problem Mr. Hardingham? Mr. T responds.” Yes there is a problem, a very big problem. Where are those little FUUU…. Frogs?
Well, we gathered them up last night and froze them so that we could make sure they died with dignity.” He replied. WHAT! I shouted angrily. You selfish bastard. You absorbed all of those frogs’ powers on your own! I ota chop your head off and rule the world.”
This was the first time I got kicked out of school but it wouldn’t be the last because soon after discovering that frogs didn’t have powers you can absorb by killing them I discovered the wonderful sport of snowboarding. And it was Snowboarding that got me in the most trouble. But even if I could go back I wouldn’t change a single day because I was lucky enough to start riding when snowboarders were still considered ass holes.

It was my father that first told me snowboarders were ass holes and to never become one. We were sitting on a chairlift in Australia when I was 6 years old watching a nut-job boarder rip some pow on a closed run directly under the chair where we sat. I remember thinking it seemed pretty cool but also feeling the influence of my “always right” father. The shredder I watched that day had crazy pants and color in his hair. He must have been an ass hole for sure.

AH5

Before moving to Australia my father was the manager of Sunshine village in Banff Alberta Canada (one of the resorts I ride nowadays on a regular basis). His tenure was in the days when snowboarding was just getting started in Canada and sunshine saw some of the first shredders Canada had ever seen. Ken and Dave Okenbock, Don Schortz, and ***** were among a few that started this crazy shit and it was all right here in my own back yard.
My father told me stories of always having to kick them off the hill because the rules said, “no snowboarders allowed”. He told me he never really knew why they weren’t allowed on the hill and that it was probably some ass hole European ski honcho that makes stupid rules like that. but he would let them ride as long as they stayed off the main runs and didn’t bother anyone. It was like they were animals wondering into town and as long as they stayed out of the garbage and the real peoples way it was ok to have them exist.

When I was a kid say 6 years old I strolled into a skateboard/snowboard store called “the snowboard shop” on Kensington rd in Calgary Alberta. It was one of if not the very first real snowboard store in Canada and mind blowing for a kid my age.
As it turns out this was the store that those riders at sunshine owned and some how through talking to me they recognized me through my father who had been kicking there ass hole snowboard asses of the hill for years. But for some reason they treated me good and gave me free stickers. One of the stickers said “No Rats Allowed”. What a cool fucking sticker hey? Any way, this was the beginning of snowboarding for me.


The other kinda interview:

AH1

Maybe I’m like everyone ells in this but I find my self totally and completely addicted to sex. Every kind of sex. Hard, fast, slow, romantic, weird, gross, awesome, fucked up sex. For a wile my travels revolved around snowboarding where ever the best porno was. I was just a kid so sex didn’t fall on my doorstep very often.
I found Europe had the best porno. I wasn’t really a masturbation freak at all. I mean every now and then I would smash but I always felt guilty so I just looked at sweet porno and had awesome dreams. Never wet dreams for some reason. Had one my whole life and what I would give to get back to that special night.

AH2

I enjoy making films. The quality of my film production is always very low because of where I live and I can’t really afford a good camera or help. I used to find my self making all of my short films on my own or with one friend helping me set things up for a couple of hours and then fucking off because he got board. I can’t really blame them though because my films never really go anywhere. I call them films that will never see the light of day. I show one or two of them at our sandbox premiere in Banff every year. Its funny to watch people respond to them when they showed up ready to watch snowboarding movies. Sometimes they get weirder out I guess.

AH3

I started taking my own photos two years ago. I live in a place with almost no industry at all. There are no filmers and maybe 2 photographers that don’t really shoot often. So I found my self working harder to find people to shoot and film than I worked on just riding the mountains. This didn’t really work for me so I began recruiting dreamers to come along and film. I also decided to buy all of my own film equipment so that I would never have a reason to not get the shot. So I invested my money and time into recruiting people and slowly but surely I started filming video parts. My list of filmers was longer than my part but it worked out every year. Now days I work with my own filmer and although he doesn’t have a resume to fall back on he seems to do a pretty good job.

AH4

I started editing my parts in 2003 in a film called “the movie video” I didn’t do a very good job and that was what motivated me to really focus on editing. I spent more and more of my off time in the summer editing short films and learning how to add little things and be more creative with an edit. I learned that no one will ever care as much about your part as you so DO IT YOUR FUCKING SELF.

AndrewHandicam

I used to be really into freestyle and it was very important to me to keep up to date with all the new tricks. I remember when I saw Devun Walsh do a 90-role a.k.a. b/s rodeo flip, I had to learn it tomorrow. I hit the park hard that day and on my 3rd try I smashed my head and gave my self the 4th concussion in my life. But I just about got it and knew that when I get concussions I always loose my sight and start puking soon after so I raced back up (not even knowing what day it was) and hit the same jump one more time and stuck the shit out of it. I knew if I left it I would have to start from scratch so I pushed through and nailed it. Now that trick is my “old faithful” that ill do first hit when ginny-piging a jump. I love that trick but have defiantly lost the passion to be a crazy innovative freestyler now. I find I’m way more into discovering new ways of riding crazy lines in the backcountry. I love scaring the shit out of my self and trying things that I know I could really fuck my self up on. That is where my game is now and I find it to be more interesting and challenging. You only get one chance at a line like that because after the first try its sluffed or fucked so you have to focus so much more. Plus more often than not they are first descents so unlike a jump or rail. You don’t know if it’s doable.

AH7

I’m making my own film this season. It’s not so much about me but more about the things I ride and the people I ride with. I want to entertain people with something more than just snowboard porno. We have all seen first hand how repetitive porno can be so I would like to create something that unlike porno you can watch even after your done in the bathroom. Its really hard though and not because I don’t think I can do it but because its really hard to get support for new ideas. The snowboard industry is in love with hit spin jump and every 10-21 year old doing a 1080. The industry is very concerned with following the rest of the industry. The funny thing about that is the rest of the industry is trying to follow the industry. Sometimes a company will break free of that mold and do something really cool but as fast as that happens the rest of the industry copies it and it’s no longer cool. I hope my film sees the light of day because I know open-minded people will really enjoy it. I’m going to make several more teasers for it but I don’t think ill use any snowboarding in them, because it will not just be a snowboarding film. It will be a multi-layered, personality film with snowboarding.

AH6

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